We're Young, But We Shouldn't Settle For Less

Living in a college town and being a "poor college student" means sometimes moving into apartments/houses that have been lived in by hundreds of other "poor college students". Some of these places aren't too shabby while others look quite...dated. And I believe "dated" is being nice in some cases. Lessors/landlords don't always help keep the places up as nice as they could because college students will be living there. They figure that we don't really care how the places look, as long as they're affordable and the main utilities work. As long as we're paying good money, we shouldn't just get the bare minimum.

So here's the situation...

Three friends and I will be renting a house not too far from school. Actually, we are currently renting it (12-month lease, $1100/month, that started June 1st) and only two of my roomies are staying there for the summer. I went down to visit the place two days after my other roomies moved in to check things out and take photos and whatnot. A few major issues were discovered as well as many minor issues. I informed my one friend who won't be able to come down to the house until it's time for school to start again about the issues. Her response? Basically, she says that as long as everything is working, why do any of those issues matter, except for like one major issue. I love my friend, but I was actually shocked to hear her response to the issues in the house.

We weren't expecting to live in a perfect house, but we expected for some things to be fixed before we moved in. My one roommate who is staying there now is all "we can fix this, clean that", which is true in some cases, but some things are just not our responsibility at all. We shouldn't be spending our own money to fix a place that we're only renting for a year, repairing damages left before we moved in. It's not fair to us that we have to move into a house that isn't really "ready" for us nor that we have to fix ourselves. Whatever repairs we do to this house ourselves, we should be repaid for honestly, or we can take any additions with us (except for paint on the walls and similar repairs).

• There's a ton of chipped paint throughout the house, a minor issue, but it would be awesome if they gave us paint to fix these walls. 
• We're not responsible for grass care, so it would be awesome if they could cut down all of those weeds in our yard. It looks like they haven't cut the grass in months. I'd just cut the grass myself, but they claim we don't do any yard work, just shovel the snow during winter. 
• The outside of this house needs a paint job, especially by the door.
• There's a hole in the wall in the living room that is about the circumference of a baseball and more than a surface issue. One of my roomies' boyfriend hung a nice painting he did over the hole lol.
• Cracks in the ceiling- water damage maybe? 
• Rat/mice droppings in a cabinet near the floor in our little hallway outside of the kitchen. Do. We. Have. Rats?!!!! This is a major problem that needs to be fixed. No exceptions.
• And other random issues

My point is that as young adults, we have the right to demand nice things as well. People expect us to screw things up all of the time, but not all of us are "bad" or look to purposely damage property. As a lessor/landlord, I would want my lessee(s) to move into a nice and clean place, in hopes that they would want to renew their lease or rent another one of my properties. I wouldn't promise the lessee things that I wouldn't keep... But it's okay. This is all a learning experience.

As Blink-182 said, I guess this is growing up.

These Feelings...They Can't Be Right...

I'm not okay. Nope. Not okay. I need to stop pretending and putting on that big, fake smile in front of my friends. I was on the phone with one of my friends over an hour ago, he asked me if I was sad, and I said no. He said that he could tell that I was just from my voice. I told him that I was just tired, and that I didn't think that I was sad. It's just like last year around this time and even my freakin' English professor thought that I was depressed and she'd only known me for roughly four months. I used to be so good at hiding my feelings, but I tried to put that behind me since I have amazing people in my life who are there for me and will listen to me. I don't have to pretend anymore, but I don't know why I feel like I should now. My thoughts have been attacking me constantly for the past week, and I hate it. I can't function or be productive because I'm too consumed by my thoughts. So much to do, so little time. There are so many great people who let me know that they care every day, yet I still want, almost need, reassurance from one person, and I hate feeling this way. I'm not very dependent on others, so I don't know why I'm this way with you. I don't want to be this way.

I'm just very overwhelmed with everything. School, relationships in general, the desire for infinite freedom, the urge for "rebellion", the ultimate desire for peace.

I changed my background on my phone to "Fight Off Your Demons" to remind me not to give up, not to let my demons win because right now I'm not even putting up a good fight, and I refuse to let them win. I refuse.

Some Things Are Hard to Sit Through

Last night, I went out to dinner with two of my close friends here at school because we needed a break from dorm food. Uncharacteristic of me, I was pretty quiet for most of the meal. Why is that? Well, they were talking about an organization that they are a part of here at school, an organization that we all applied to last November but only they would be chosen as members. It was kind of hard for me to see two friends make it while I was kind of left out in the dumps. I wasn't a fan of the rejection email that I (and every other person who didn't make it) received- the wording was a little harsh, in my opinion. Anyway, they've been in this organization (which is more of a committee that brings various forms of entertainment to campus, especially big concerts and speakers and such) for a year, and it's time for them to re-apply along with new people who want to join.

Now, they are pretty much guaranteed their same positions, but if they want to switch committees among the organization, they have to state that in their application and all. My one friend will have an open position alongside her for the music committee, which is what was my 1st pick when applying for this and wasn't even in her top 3 (you can be chosen to be on a committee that isn't in your top 3 if the board members think you would fit better somewhere else). My other friend actually wants the open position alongside our friend or the position for the other music committee that does the big concerts. Only about twice have my friends said that I should apply again. But I figure, why even bother? When I was rejected last year, it crushed me. I secretly cried because during that time, I was losing faith in this school and befriending anymore people here. I wanted to truly be a part of group to make me feel like I belonged here. I needed to be a part of a group like this. I felt like it was perfect for me- event planning, bring musicians to school, bringing diversity, etc. It's such an important group here on campus, and it would've made me feel important to my student body. It was like I was being rejected left and right for everything I wanted to do. But I'm happy I stayed here because if I didn't, I wouldn't have met so many great people second semester (or I would've had to leave them after that if I didn't return in the fall), and I wouldn't be Vice President of my school's TWLOHA UChapter. Everything happens for a reason.

Back to my original thoughts... Since my friends have been a part of this organization, they've learned a lot and know much more about what goes on than when they weren't a part of it. But it's hard hearing them say constantly, "People don't realize how much work you have do in this organization. It's not as easy as they think...People think that they can just bring whoever they want here and that there's plenty of money to spend to bring artists and such here, but they will be proven wrong fast" and things like that. Yes, I get that you know pretty much all there is to know about the group now, but this was you last year- not knowing what really goes on, being naive and thinking you could bring practically whoever. Maybe if the group had an open forum of sorts with the student body and let them know what really goes on, people would realize what's really up. If you let people know what to expect beforehand, maybe some applicants will realize that they're not ready for that huge of responsibilities. Or explain to people that you don't have free reign to money here on campus to fund your events. The students are ignorant and naive to this info because you don't share it openly. Because I have friends that are part of it, I get insider info and I'm not naive or ignorant about how things run in there.

I ate quietly while they went back in forth about business regarding this group. It wasn't meant for me. Better things came along aka TWLOHA. I have my chance to plan events and bring musicians as a part of my group (when we get money lol), and it is for a great cause. While they may get many benefits from being a part of their group, I think that the benefits I get from twloha mean much more to me than free tickets to movies on campus and free admission to the big concerts and photos with the big name musicians who come here- I get to help people, support each other, build a sense of community with my fellow students, and just see people feel comfortable sharing their stories with others. I love twloha.

Even though sometimes I have thoughts of how it would be if I were a part of that group with my friends, I've moved on, and I'm probably doing a lot better now anyway. I'm happy being in twloha, and I get to be a board member with some of the greatest people ever.