I'm not okay. Nope. Not okay. I need to stop pretending and putting on that big, fake smile in front of my friends. I was on the phone with one of my friends over an hour ago, he asked me if I was sad, and I said no. He said that he could tell that I was just from my voice. I told him that I was just tired, and that I didn't think that I was sad. It's just like last year around this time and even my freakin' English professor thought that I was depressed and she'd only known me for roughly four months. I used to be so good at hiding my feelings, but I tried to put that behind me since I have amazing people in my life who are there for me and will listen to me. I don't have to pretend anymore, but I don't know why I feel like I should now. My thoughts have been attacking me constantly for the past week, and I hate it. I can't function or be productive because I'm too consumed by my thoughts. So much to do, so little time. There are so many great people who let me know that they care every day, yet I still want, almost need, reassurance from one person, and I hate feeling this way. I'm not very dependent on others, so I don't know why I'm this way with you. I don't want to be this way.
I'm just very overwhelmed with everything. School, relationships in general, the desire for infinite freedom, the urge for "rebellion", the ultimate desire for peace.
I changed my background on my phone to "Fight Off Your Demons" to remind me not to give up, not to let my demons win because right now I'm not even putting up a good fight, and I refuse to let them win. I refuse.
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