The Drinking Game

Pretty much all of my friends drink, which is no problem to me. I could care less if they drink or not. I do not drink though. Alcohol is not my friend. When it comes to meeting new people, the topic of alcohol/drinking activities/parties usually comes up early on, especially on a college campus. When people find out that I don't drink, they ask why not. Instead of always giving my usual response of how I don't actually need it to have a great time, I should ask them why they drink in the first place.

Let's face it, at some point in our teen/young adult years, drinking becomes something to be curious about, something that doesn't seem as bad as it is usually portrayed in films, by our parents, etc. Sometimes, it gets hard to be the minority among a group of friends. Surprisingly, I still haven't felt a true temptation to pick up the bottle. I was in a situation once where a guy of interest asked me why I didn't drink, I gave him the usual response, then he asked, "You wouldn't even drink for me?" Now, that would be the most stupid reason for me to ever drink- for a boy. Girls, you are setting yourself up if you decide to drink just to impress a guy- you make yourself vulnerable, and he could take advantage of you. After learning more about this guy and spending a little more time with him, I realized that he definitely was not the guy for me and surely would've tried something if he and/or I were under the influence. He was kinda shady anyway. Anyway...

I just don't see the importance of drinking at my age. The more underage kids I see drinking, the less impressed I am by the alcohol life. I already don't drink, and you think seeing the way my peers act over alcohol should make me want to join in on the fun? No thank you. I'm perfectly fine sober. I can be as crazy and as loose as a drunk person. As I tell people, when I'm delirious, I am equivalent to a drunk person.

As for now, I don't drink. I'm content sober. I don't trust myself under the influence. I'm bound to do something regrettable. I love that my friends can have a great time with alcohol, and I will chill with them while they drink. I'll always be the mama/designated driver of the group, but I'm fine with that. I care too much.

Drink responsibly, kiddies.

Video for a Day: "You" by Atmosphere

"You" by Atmosphere

This was the first song I ever heard from Atmosphere a few years ago, then I fell in love. I was lucky enough to see these guys perform at Lolla this past summer- amazing set. Seriously, so great. I want to see them again for sure.

Casual? Or...

Should I do the whole "casual dating" thing? Where I literally go on dates and "talk" to more than one guy at a time? Is this even right for me? Am I willing to try it out because a friend has done it? Will it be like I'm talking to two or three guys and chillin with them but not actually in a real relationship with them? It kind of sucks when a person tells you how much they really like you and think you're really sweet and great and list off all of the reasons they are attracted to you, but that they aren't looking for a serious relationship right now, that maybe in a year they will be ready for a serious relationship and will be ready to be your boyfriend for sure then because they really would like to be your boyfriend. All I can think is "Fuck my life" (pardon my language) because I just see a flashback of the last "fling" I had, and I hated where that went. I can't even look that other guy in the face without cringing on the inside every time. It really sucks when your friends know about the guy and are all excited for you and waiting for you to get in a relationship, and then you never want to have to break it to them that he doesn't want a relationship right now. Why is it so difficult? Why must everything be so casual? If you really like me, why can't we just be together now? Why would we tease ourselves like this? When you were drunk the other night and texted me, I should've understood then what you were trying to say, but I was tired and you were drunkingly texting me and not writing in the most complete of sentences. You said that we would talk and all.

Thanks for taking me on a date and all. I really had a nice time. I really did. I appreciate your honesty. About everything. That "fling" of a guy lead me on- you did not. I'm glad you were upfront with me at the beginning of all of this. I'm glad that you like so many things about me, but I dislike that you don't want a relationship right now. But maybe you're smart for wanting to wait. We shouldn't rush into things anyway. I mean, we truly haven't known each other super long. So maybe I get it. Maybe once we spend more time with each other, maybe your feelings will change. Maybe you'll say "Fuck it" and want to be in a relationship. Waiting is not a bad thing. It's not. But I get that you're also kind of doing this for me. You've been in relationships before- I have not. While we're not actually official, I could go out with other guys (if they should enter my life), figure out what I really want out of a relationship, figure out what I really want in a guy, just figure out all of this shit in general. This is your break from the relationship ordeal for now; you'll just keep it casual. Yeah. Let me keep my options open. I will keep my options open. But I like you. I really fucking do. It's not even like I like you for the wrong reasons either. It's all of the right reasons. It even started off right. It wasn't the whole "oooo he's cute. I wonder if he notices me? Omg, we're actually having a conversation. Omg, he thinks I'm funny. Omg, I think he likes me too. Omg, he's so cute." I wouldn't actually say "omg" that many times, but you (as in you readers, if there are any...) get what I'm saying. I can actually have legit, serious conversations with him! He likes going into detail when he's telling a story or something and then he feels bad about taking so long to tell the story, but I do the exact same thing so of course I have enough patience to hear him tell the entire story. I wish more people explained things in detail. We're in such a fast-paced society that we can't even take the time to listen to someone tell us something thoughtful in great detail- we always want the summary. There's so many genuine things to like about him. I actually think he's the first guy that I've ever had feelings for where I have many reasons to like him that are good reasons- I'm not falling for a druggie/high school dropout, a boy with an accent whose written English skills bring out my inner grammar Nazi, a boy with a pretty face who barely knew I existed, a DJ who was probably too old for me anyway, and other "cute" faces in the crowd. No, I'm not in love or anything because that's a bit too fast and weird. But I really like this guy.

Relationships Are Odd Business

I'm still trying to figure this whole thing out. I don't want to rush into things just because I'm pretty inexperienced. How long do people "talk" before they decide to get into an actual relationship? How many dates do you go out on, especially if you don't know the other person as well? How do you get enough courage to tell a person that you really like them, and it's not just some little crush? You know the crush- when you rarely talk to the person, and you find them quite attractive, but you hardly know anything about them or they barely know you exist. I can safely say that I've moved on from those types of crushes. Actually, I wouldn't even call what feelings I have for most guys "crushes" anymore. I have genuine feelings, ya know. I don't want to obsess over a relationship, and I hope that whatever guy ends up being my first boyfriend or fifth boyfriend or husband realizes that. I'm not trying to say that the relationship isn't important to me, but I want he and I to be able to lead our separate lives as well. I don't want to spend every waking moment with my guy or have to tell him where I am 24/7 or anything like that. I don't want to get tired of him or feel like he's being the jealous type because I went out with my friends and didn't invite him. As I've been told, I'm a pretty chill girl. I'd like to stick to that too because that's just how I am.

So, while I'm stuck in this position where there may be two guys who have feelings for me, I must make decisions. One guy has already openly admitted that he definitely likes me and feels a connection; the other guy seems like a mystery, so I cannot confirm that actually likes me and just doesn't want to be friends. I'm happy with being friends with both of these guys, but I don't want it to be awkward between the first guy and I because he admitted to liking me. It takes a ton of courage to do what he did, and I admire him for that, plus I like him too. At this point, we could just jump right into a relationship, but I don't want to rush into things and have things go badly because we didn't wait longer to make sure our feelings were true and not just illusions for the moment. I want things to work, but I don't want to get my hopes up when disappointment could be right around the corner.

As my title states, relationships are odd business indeed.