Casual? Or...

Should I do the whole "casual dating" thing? Where I literally go on dates and "talk" to more than one guy at a time? Is this even right for me? Am I willing to try it out because a friend has done it? Will it be like I'm talking to two or three guys and chillin with them but not actually in a real relationship with them? It kind of sucks when a person tells you how much they really like you and think you're really sweet and great and list off all of the reasons they are attracted to you, but that they aren't looking for a serious relationship right now, that maybe in a year they will be ready for a serious relationship and will be ready to be your boyfriend for sure then because they really would like to be your boyfriend. All I can think is "Fuck my life" (pardon my language) because I just see a flashback of the last "fling" I had, and I hated where that went. I can't even look that other guy in the face without cringing on the inside every time. It really sucks when your friends know about the guy and are all excited for you and waiting for you to get in a relationship, and then you never want to have to break it to them that he doesn't want a relationship right now. Why is it so difficult? Why must everything be so casual? If you really like me, why can't we just be together now? Why would we tease ourselves like this? When you were drunk the other night and texted me, I should've understood then what you were trying to say, but I was tired and you were drunkingly texting me and not writing in the most complete of sentences. You said that we would talk and all.

Thanks for taking me on a date and all. I really had a nice time. I really did. I appreciate your honesty. About everything. That "fling" of a guy lead me on- you did not. I'm glad you were upfront with me at the beginning of all of this. I'm glad that you like so many things about me, but I dislike that you don't want a relationship right now. But maybe you're smart for wanting to wait. We shouldn't rush into things anyway. I mean, we truly haven't known each other super long. So maybe I get it. Maybe once we spend more time with each other, maybe your feelings will change. Maybe you'll say "Fuck it" and want to be in a relationship. Waiting is not a bad thing. It's not. But I get that you're also kind of doing this for me. You've been in relationships before- I have not. While we're not actually official, I could go out with other guys (if they should enter my life), figure out what I really want out of a relationship, figure out what I really want in a guy, just figure out all of this shit in general. This is your break from the relationship ordeal for now; you'll just keep it casual. Yeah. Let me keep my options open. I will keep my options open. But I like you. I really fucking do. It's not even like I like you for the wrong reasons either. It's all of the right reasons. It even started off right. It wasn't the whole "oooo he's cute. I wonder if he notices me? Omg, we're actually having a conversation. Omg, he thinks I'm funny. Omg, I think he likes me too. Omg, he's so cute." I wouldn't actually say "omg" that many times, but you (as in you readers, if there are any...) get what I'm saying. I can actually have legit, serious conversations with him! He likes going into detail when he's telling a story or something and then he feels bad about taking so long to tell the story, but I do the exact same thing so of course I have enough patience to hear him tell the entire story. I wish more people explained things in detail. We're in such a fast-paced society that we can't even take the time to listen to someone tell us something thoughtful in great detail- we always want the summary. There's so many genuine things to like about him. I actually think he's the first guy that I've ever had feelings for where I have many reasons to like him that are good reasons- I'm not falling for a druggie/high school dropout, a boy with an accent whose written English skills bring out my inner grammar Nazi, a boy with a pretty face who barely knew I existed, a DJ who was probably too old for me anyway, and other "cute" faces in the crowd. No, I'm not in love or anything because that's a bit too fast and weird. But I really like this guy.