About a week ago, a friend and I were having a discussion about marijuana. Neither of us smoke (though I believe she used to smoke in the past, during her high school days), but we were reading an article in the school paper saying how administration doesn't really know how to handle the issue with marijuana on campus. Technically, there isn't a true "issue" at hand, but the cases of students caught with it has gone up almost twice the amount of last year at this time (last year=4, this year=7 students). Yes, it's not super expensive, making it easier for college students to get their hands on it, but in the paper they noted it as a gateway drug...
Now, many people (mostly marijuana smokers) become defensive when it is considered a "gateway drug" and deny that it is. Personally, I don't care who smokes or whatnot, but it's just something that I choose not to do. Plus, I bet I would be randomly drug tested not too long after I've smoked or something like that. My friend doesn't believe that it is a gateway drug, and spoke from personal experience that smoking pot never led her to pick up any hard drugs and such. Sure, it will be that way for many pot smokers because no one wants to become a druggie and fucked up in the brain.
Here's my opinion though...
Marijuana is not always a gateway drug, but it can be a gateway drug under certain circumstances. If a person is dealing with some personal issues and a ton of stress, marijuana may only help out with that for a short while, leading that person to turn to something harder to feel less pain and more bliss. This is how some people do end up as drug addicts, unfortunately. Because so many people do not see marijuana as a possible gateway drug, they don't always pay attention to those who might be developing a strong habit with smoking the green plant. No one believes that someone can be addicted to marijuana, but many people do become very dependent upon it. Dependence isn't too far from addiction, though in many cases the terms are used interchangeably. I know people who smoke pot everyday, claim that you can't be addicted to marijuana, yet they don't know how to function or be productive if they haven't had their fix for the day. What does that even say?
I'm not trying to say that marijuana is "bad" or should be illegal, but I'm not really trying to promote it at the same time. I guess I'm just pretty indifferent to how I feel about people using it, but this was specifically to talk about whether or not it is a gateway drug. Everyone has a right to their own opinion and to make their own decisions in life. Every action has a reaction. To all my green-smoking friends, have fun, chill, relax, get creative and all of that jazz, but don't be too quick to discredit your favorite plant as a gateway drug when you haven't been seriously/clinically depressed, abused by family or other loved ones, bullied, or dealt with other serious problems in your lifetime. Smoking pot isn't going to solve someone's problems forever. In fact, it won't solve them at all, but it might help calm someone for awhile.
This is one of the main reasons why I personally choose not to drink or do drugs- I'd be using them to escape rather than to just have an enjoyable time or be "social". Maybe that makes me slightly biased on the topic, but I'm not trying to change people's opinions on pot altogether. I'm just trying to provide a different perspective on the effect it has on some people who smoke pot and not all people who do.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Video for a Day: "Walking on a Dream" by Empire of the Sun
"Walking on a Dream" by Empire of the Sun
I've been listening to this song a lot lately, 'tis true.
Am I Overthinking? Will I Fit In? Should I Just Not Worry?
Yeah, I'm just overthinking. It's no big deal. No big deal at all.
What am I even talking about? Well, I've been doing a little thinking (or a lot at some points) about meeting my boyfriend's friends. Now, usually this wouldn't be an issue I would even think about, but then again I've never been in this situation before. He's older than me, and pretty much all of his friends are therefore older than me as well. I already look younger than my own age, so that doesn't help me at all of course. I met his best friend, but that was before we were even dating or interested in each other at all. I met one of his friends at that concert, but we didn't really chat or anything because my friends were there too, and I didn't know what to say of course. Over this coming Thanksgiving break, another friend of my boyfriend is supposed to be having some type of shindig the night of Black Friday in the city, and of course the boyfriend wants me to come. At first, I thought it would be cool and fine to go (granted I can even stay out late...), but as I thought about it more, I became nervous. I know none of his friends. None of them. They're all of age, and I'm still freakin' 19. What if they decide they want to go to a bar or something midway through the night, and I can't go because not only am I underage but I also do not own a fake ID? Will I feel uncomfortable being around them since they'll all be drinking, and I won't? I mean, I've been in a room full of people drinking before and felt perfectly fine, but I usually knew at least 3-4 other people there. This time I will literally know one person, and I don't want to seem like the girlfriend who doesn't speak or is a bitch because I don't speak or is weird and doesn't fit in with everyone. I feel like they're all really "hip" people, and I'm just not "hip". I have a diverse set of friends, it's true, so maybe I'll get along better with some of his friends than others. I'm just causing myself unnecessary stress, that's all. If I can go to the party, everything will be fine. I'll just be myself as usual, but I don't want to revert to my shy self because I'm in a room full of strangers (which does happen). I just want everything to go well and for it not to look like I'm trying too hard or something like that. I don't think I would be thinking about this so much if he didn't say that he wants me to come and meet his friends. Can I bring a friend too, just as a back up person? Or what if they end up liking my friend more and basically hating me?
God, I'm being so juvenile right now. But I think this is a legit thing to slightly think/worry about. I mean, is it a sign when you don't fit in with your significant other's friends? Or is the real sign when their friends straight up don't like you at all?
I hate overthinking. I hate thinking about "fitting in" again. I had to worry about this last year when I wanted to leave this school and needed a reason to stay. I just don't know. If his friends don't like me- it happens. I'll have to accept it. Or maybe I'll just have to grow on them. Yeah, maybe that'll be it. They might find me weird and awkward at first, but then maybe they'll grow to like me and we'll all be hanging out and stuff like that. I'm hoping that's what will happen. I think too much. Way too much.
What am I even talking about? Well, I've been doing a little thinking (or a lot at some points) about meeting my boyfriend's friends. Now, usually this wouldn't be an issue I would even think about, but then again I've never been in this situation before. He's older than me, and pretty much all of his friends are therefore older than me as well. I already look younger than my own age, so that doesn't help me at all of course. I met his best friend, but that was before we were even dating or interested in each other at all. I met one of his friends at that concert, but we didn't really chat or anything because my friends were there too, and I didn't know what to say of course. Over this coming Thanksgiving break, another friend of my boyfriend is supposed to be having some type of shindig the night of Black Friday in the city, and of course the boyfriend wants me to come. At first, I thought it would be cool and fine to go (granted I can even stay out late...), but as I thought about it more, I became nervous. I know none of his friends. None of them. They're all of age, and I'm still freakin' 19. What if they decide they want to go to a bar or something midway through the night, and I can't go because not only am I underage but I also do not own a fake ID? Will I feel uncomfortable being around them since they'll all be drinking, and I won't? I mean, I've been in a room full of people drinking before and felt perfectly fine, but I usually knew at least 3-4 other people there. This time I will literally know one person, and I don't want to seem like the girlfriend who doesn't speak or is a bitch because I don't speak or is weird and doesn't fit in with everyone. I feel like they're all really "hip" people, and I'm just not "hip". I have a diverse set of friends, it's true, so maybe I'll get along better with some of his friends than others. I'm just causing myself unnecessary stress, that's all. If I can go to the party, everything will be fine. I'll just be myself as usual, but I don't want to revert to my shy self because I'm in a room full of strangers (which does happen). I just want everything to go well and for it not to look like I'm trying too hard or something like that. I don't think I would be thinking about this so much if he didn't say that he wants me to come and meet his friends. Can I bring a friend too, just as a back up person? Or what if they end up liking my friend more and basically hating me?
God, I'm being so juvenile right now. But I think this is a legit thing to slightly think/worry about. I mean, is it a sign when you don't fit in with your significant other's friends? Or is the real sign when their friends straight up don't like you at all?
I hate overthinking. I hate thinking about "fitting in" again. I had to worry about this last year when I wanted to leave this school and needed a reason to stay. I just don't know. If his friends don't like me- it happens. I'll have to accept it. Or maybe I'll just have to grow on them. Yeah, maybe that'll be it. They might find me weird and awkward at first, but then maybe they'll grow to like me and we'll all be hanging out and stuff like that. I'm hoping that's what will happen. I think too much. Way too much.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Video for a Day: "Royal Blue" by Cold War Kids
"Royal Blue" by Cold War Kids
I don't have much to say about this song really, but I do enjoy it much.
From now on with the sky as my roof
From now on let the risk lead me to
From now on somewhere I never knew
From now on call me royal blue
From now on fly as high as I want
From now on I'll show my weak spot
From now on you know that I do
From now on call me Royal Blue
From now on wear my love for you loose
From now on I am just passing through
From now on trust my feeling is true
From now on call me royal blue
From now on let the risk lead me to
From now on somewhere I never knew
From now on call me royal blue
From now on fly as high as I want
From now on I'll show my weak spot
From now on you know that I do
From now on call me Royal Blue
From now on wear my love for you loose
From now on I am just passing through
From now on trust my feeling is true
From now on call me royal blue
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Some Things Are Hard to Sit Through
Last night, I went out to dinner with two of my close friends here at school because we needed a break from dorm food. Uncharacteristic of me, I was pretty quiet for most of the meal. Why is that? Well, they were talking about an organization that they are a part of here at school, an organization that we all applied to last November but only they would be chosen as members. It was kind of hard for me to see two friends make it while I was kind of left out in the dumps. I wasn't a fan of the rejection email that I (and every other person who didn't make it) received- the wording was a little harsh, in my opinion. Anyway, they've been in this organization (which is more of a committee that brings various forms of entertainment to campus, especially big concerts and speakers and such) for a year, and it's time for them to re-apply along with new people who want to join.
Now, they are pretty much guaranteed their same positions, but if they want to switch committees among the organization, they have to state that in their application and all. My one friend will have an open position alongside her for the music committee, which is what was my 1st pick when applying for this and wasn't even in her top 3 (you can be chosen to be on a committee that isn't in your top 3 if the board members think you would fit better somewhere else). My other friend actually wants the open position alongside our friend or the position for the other music committee that does the big concerts. Only about twice have my friends said that I should apply again. But I figure, why even bother? When I was rejected last year, it crushed me. I secretly cried because during that time, I was losing faith in this school and befriending anymore people here. I wanted to truly be a part of group to make me feel like I belonged here. I needed to be a part of a group like this. I felt like it was perfect for me- event planning, bring musicians to school, bringing diversity, etc. It's such an important group here on campus, and it would've made me feel important to my student body. It was like I was being rejected left and right for everything I wanted to do. But I'm happy I stayed here because if I didn't, I wouldn't have met so many great people second semester (or I would've had to leave them after that if I didn't return in the fall), and I wouldn't be Vice President of my school's TWLOHA UChapter. Everything happens for a reason.
Back to my original thoughts... Since my friends have been a part of this organization, they've learned a lot and know much more about what goes on than when they weren't a part of it. But it's hard hearing them say constantly, "People don't realize how much work you have do in this organization. It's not as easy as they think...People think that they can just bring whoever they want here and that there's plenty of money to spend to bring artists and such here, but they will be proven wrong fast" and things like that. Yes, I get that you know pretty much all there is to know about the group now, but this was you last year- not knowing what really goes on, being naive and thinking you could bring practically whoever. Maybe if the group had an open forum of sorts with the student body and let them know what really goes on, people would realize what's really up. If you let people know what to expect beforehand, maybe some applicants will realize that they're not ready for that huge of responsibilities. Or explain to people that you don't have free reign to money here on campus to fund your events. The students are ignorant and naive to this info because you don't share it openly. Because I have friends that are part of it, I get insider info and I'm not naive or ignorant about how things run in there.
I ate quietly while they went back in forth about business regarding this group. It wasn't meant for me. Better things came along aka TWLOHA. I have my chance to plan events and bring musicians as a part of my group (when we get money lol), and it is for a great cause. While they may get many benefits from being a part of their group, I think that the benefits I get from twloha mean much more to me than free tickets to movies on campus and free admission to the big concerts and photos with the big name musicians who come here- I get to help people, support each other, build a sense of community with my fellow students, and just see people feel comfortable sharing their stories with others. I love twloha.
Even though sometimes I have thoughts of how it would be if I were a part of that group with my friends, I've moved on, and I'm probably doing a lot better now anyway. I'm happy being in twloha, and I get to be a board member with some of the greatest people ever.
Now, they are pretty much guaranteed their same positions, but if they want to switch committees among the organization, they have to state that in their application and all. My one friend will have an open position alongside her for the music committee, which is what was my 1st pick when applying for this and wasn't even in her top 3 (you can be chosen to be on a committee that isn't in your top 3 if the board members think you would fit better somewhere else). My other friend actually wants the open position alongside our friend or the position for the other music committee that does the big concerts. Only about twice have my friends said that I should apply again. But I figure, why even bother? When I was rejected last year, it crushed me. I secretly cried because during that time, I was losing faith in this school and befriending anymore people here. I wanted to truly be a part of group to make me feel like I belonged here. I needed to be a part of a group like this. I felt like it was perfect for me- event planning, bring musicians to school, bringing diversity, etc. It's such an important group here on campus, and it would've made me feel important to my student body. It was like I was being rejected left and right for everything I wanted to do. But I'm happy I stayed here because if I didn't, I wouldn't have met so many great people second semester (or I would've had to leave them after that if I didn't return in the fall), and I wouldn't be Vice President of my school's TWLOHA UChapter. Everything happens for a reason.
Back to my original thoughts... Since my friends have been a part of this organization, they've learned a lot and know much more about what goes on than when they weren't a part of it. But it's hard hearing them say constantly, "People don't realize how much work you have do in this organization. It's not as easy as they think...People think that they can just bring whoever they want here and that there's plenty of money to spend to bring artists and such here, but they will be proven wrong fast" and things like that. Yes, I get that you know pretty much all there is to know about the group now, but this was you last year- not knowing what really goes on, being naive and thinking you could bring practically whoever. Maybe if the group had an open forum of sorts with the student body and let them know what really goes on, people would realize what's really up. If you let people know what to expect beforehand, maybe some applicants will realize that they're not ready for that huge of responsibilities. Or explain to people that you don't have free reign to money here on campus to fund your events. The students are ignorant and naive to this info because you don't share it openly. Because I have friends that are part of it, I get insider info and I'm not naive or ignorant about how things run in there.
I ate quietly while they went back in forth about business regarding this group. It wasn't meant for me. Better things came along aka TWLOHA. I have my chance to plan events and bring musicians as a part of my group (when we get money lol), and it is for a great cause. While they may get many benefits from being a part of their group, I think that the benefits I get from twloha mean much more to me than free tickets to movies on campus and free admission to the big concerts and photos with the big name musicians who come here- I get to help people, support each other, build a sense of community with my fellow students, and just see people feel comfortable sharing their stories with others. I love twloha.
Even though sometimes I have thoughts of how it would be if I were a part of that group with my friends, I've moved on, and I'm probably doing a lot better now anyway. I'm happy being in twloha, and I get to be a board member with some of the greatest people ever.
Song for the Day: "Don't Be So Hard" by The Audition
The Audition - Dont Be So Hard by Morhgone
A lovely band from Chicago. I adore them. This song is just great.
A lovely band from Chicago. I adore them. This song is just great.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Hold Up, Wait A Minute-
I wrote a post a few days ago about watching myself and not changing for another person. After thinking about it more, and reevaluating the situation, and even talking with other friends, I don't think I really did anything wrong last Thursday night. My behavior may have slightly changed, but not enough to make it seem like I was changing for my boyfriend. Also, I think that my friends just aren't used to him yet, and therefore took his comments/actions too seriously. I was talking to a friend who knew him before me, and this friend said that it took them awhile to get used to him because he kinda has a dry sense of humor at times lol. He can be slightly shy and awkward at times, but I'm the same way too. He's not intentionally trying to be a jerk or an asshole. It's just his personality, ya know. He's really nice. I feel like he's kinda the embodiment of my inner sarcastic side that rarely comes out of me. I don't speak up a lot, so I keep plenty of comments to myself.
I shouldn't have been so quick to beat down on myself for "changing" when really I didn't. I was still my same ol' ridiculous self that day. I calmed down a lot during the show because I wanted to pay attention to the music and not pass out from a lack of food. I got tired. I probably shouldn't have wrote that post and got myself into overthinking anyway because I've been so tired since that Thursday that I haven't been able to think straight at all this past week. I've been having difficulties coming up with words and sentences because I've been so out of it. I shall be sleeping for quite awhile the next few days, so then I can function a lot better in the coming weeks for finals and all.
Yeah. I'm glad I thought this all over again. I shouldn't feel guilty for anything.
I shouldn't have been so quick to beat down on myself for "changing" when really I didn't. I was still my same ol' ridiculous self that day. I calmed down a lot during the show because I wanted to pay attention to the music and not pass out from a lack of food. I got tired. I probably shouldn't have wrote that post and got myself into overthinking anyway because I've been so tired since that Thursday that I haven't been able to think straight at all this past week. I've been having difficulties coming up with words and sentences because I've been so out of it. I shall be sleeping for quite awhile the next few days, so then I can function a lot better in the coming weeks for finals and all.
Yeah. I'm glad I thought this all over again. I shouldn't feel guilty for anything.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Video for a Day: "Think About It" by Owen
"Think About It" by Owen
I just heard this song for the first time the other day. I enjoy it mucho. It has a nice feel to it. It feels...calm...safe...comforting.
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