Caring Is...Caring

No matter what, I'll always care. And I hate it. I hate that I care so much. Wouldn't it be easier in life if you could just forget about people, completely remove them from your life since it seems like they've already done just that? Sometimes I wonder how is it even possible to care about someone you haven't talked to in awhile (in some cases years)? Are you weird if you do still care about someone when they could care less about you (or so you believe that to be the case)?

I can't read minds. I can "read" people when I'm with them, observing their emotions, body language, reactions, but I still can't necessarily read their mind. I don't know. Maybe it's just this weird thing of missing a person and their company because there was nothing like it. Not to say that when I'm with other people I don't enjoy that time, because that is definitely not the case. It was just...different. Different yet comforting. The air always felt calm and at ease.

And now I feel like I'm in this weird position where I'm thinking about you a lot less, not "worrying" about your well-being so much and if you're happy, yet still hoping things work out for you. I'm meeting new people, reconnecting with old people, and it's a really nice change in my life. I'm not in the house so much anymore just doing nothing- someone is usually around who wants to meet up, chill, or just drive around town for a few hours listening to music. But now I have this new fear of losing someone I truly care about. Granted, this has happened before, but it was usually with people who I never really had a lot in common with at all, so we usually had few memories to share. Maybe it's the fact that so many things remind me of you without even trying, and I think I hate that even more. I just want my friend back.

Even though as I write this I have a specific person in mind, there are a few people I can think of who I just want to have in my life again. I wish everything were as easy as a phone call or some type of message, but that would make life fair, and we all know life can't be fair.

This is what happens when you stay up too late. The thoughts are never-ending. I apologize to any soul who actually reads this for the lack of structure that I at least attempt to have in most of my long text posts.