Stuck in the Middle (I should really be sleeping)

I've been feeling a bit stuck lately. I'm at that age where I'm technically an adult, but I'm still living under my parents roof when I come home from college, making it even harder to live an "adult life" and make "adult decisions". I'm in no rush to grow up, believe me. I just don't like this whole...tease of adult life, shall we say.

For example, the gay pride parade is this Sunday, but my mother will not grant me permission to go. Now, if I didn't have to ask my parents for a ride to the train station (though I'm sure a friend could swing by and pick me up on the way to the train station) or had to tell them of my exact whereabouts, I could easily hop on the train with my friends and have a ball. First thing is the simple fact that my parents are homophobes, unfortunately. My dad is even more homophobic than my mom with his comments and all, which is why I did not even think about asking him about Sunday- I dread the lecture that surely would have followed. My mom is slightly more accepting than my father, but she still doesn't approve of homosexuals. I keep having these little rebellious urges to just ask a friend to swing by my house and just leave Sunday morning. Sometimes, you just want to go out and do things and forget about the consequences that may follow (I guess that's how people feel when they just want to go out and drink all night, right?). What would be at stake, though? My parents trust in myself? My freedom? Honestly, I have my freedom. I do. I have this bittersweet thing that we've all been given called free will. I could be that teen (should I even call myself a teen? I'm a year away from having lived an entire score) who does whatever she wants in the world just because I can. I just don't know. There's just this inner conflict within myself to just runaway and start my life off on my own finally. I'll probably struggle at first to survive, but life isn't easy anyway.

Sometimes, I just need a break, a vacation from everyone. Currently, this is pretty impossible. It's not that my parents don't trust me. It's the rest of the world that they don't trust. They're afraid of me getting hurt, which I totally get, but they can't protect me and follow me and stop me from exploring the world forever.

By the grace of God, I'll make it in this world, and I'm not going to let negativity stop me.